The Run-Chase Rule

If you have ever sat back and watched dogs and cats together you have seen
this relationship rule played out in a very explicit way. You observe the
dog lying still beside you and his head perks up as he notices a cat walk
across his line of sight. Now typically the dog will just lay there. There
is one move that will doom the poor feline though. The minute Mr. Puss
begins to run, good ole’ Spot’s instincts rev up and he puts on the chase.

Now how exactly does that apply to the dating world? Well, to put it simply
men and women play the parts of the pursuer and of the pursued. Women chase
and men run. Men chase and women run; it is a fact of life. Curse the
“games” we play all you want, it is an evolutionary part of courting.

Women are programmed to want men who are the best providers, have more
options for mates, etcetera. How does that translate now? Women want men who
have active lives apart from themselves as well as good jobs, and social
circles. Men want the same things from women. When women are clingy in the
first months of a relationship it either drives men away or permanently
stamps doormat on our foreheads for the rest of the relationship – not fun.

So, you are sitting back saying damn this is complicated. Why do I care if
my ancestors acted a certain way and found things attractive? I have a
crush! I live him/her. All I need is to talk to them to feel complete! Wait,
why are they ignoring me?

The important thing to note is that with initial self control and proper
application of the Run-Chase rule you can manipulate the situation to be the
pursued not the pursuant.

Does this mean that you have to be a total ass to make someone interested in
you? No (although this rule certainly explains why the jackass men are so
attractive to women: we have to chase them to get a second glance). Do you
have to completely ignore them? No (it also explains why bitchy girls seem
to have so many guys: they have to get in line to get a chance at winning
our hearts). Merely backing off and allowing the race to play out is
generally sufficient.

So, how do you do that?

Throw out enough information that it can be assumed you are interested. If
the interest seems to be mutual arrange a date. If a day is not good for
whatever reason, never try to reschedule something for the same date. I
would go as far as to say wait at least three days before scheduling
something else. Then back off a little bit. Wait awhile to answer texts (I
give them the quarter/half hour rule, unless they appear dire) or calls
unless it was previously agreed that you would chat. Limit phone calls to
twenty or thirty minutes before you “are busy” and need to call back
later/tomorrow. This allows time for camaraderie to build and for you to get
to know each other, but it also allows for the attractiveness to build while
you are apart.

I know it sounds like a good idea to keep good things going, but it is
crucial to not give up your own social activities completely – and more so
to appear to not give them up at all. We all want to know that we are
important, but we also want to be important to people that have OTHER things
going on in their lives. Everyone is much more attractive that way.

Playing the Run-Chase rule generally will incite enough interest to garner a
few dates; which is enough to begin most relationships. There are always
exceptions – in which case did you really want someone who wasn’t really in
to you anyway?

Of course, after a few initial weeks of this, if you fall into a steady
relationship never forget to pursue your mate. So many relationships fail
because once the prize is one either party thinks they don’t have to work
anymore. The Run-Chase rule applies to dating and marriages with the same
rigidity.

After all, why do you think the grass winking at you and walking away on the
other side of the fence is always so much greener?