Do you ever do that thing where you watch a movie and suddenly you feel the impulse to be like the lead character? Hell yeah, Captain America! I’m gonna get a shield and bash some Nazis! I continuously see things and I’m like, “I can do that. Why couldn’t I be Captain America?” and it takes me days to convince myself that getting a garbage can lid and a mask to fight crime and corruption is actually a bad plan. Though this case my inspiration is that chick from Freedom Writers.
My thoughts: Wow, that lady is so inspirational. I bet I could do that. I’d make a really cool teacher. All my students would call me Miss Z (because Miss L or Miss R just sound dumb, and the letter Z is my favorite letter to write in cursive) and we could learn things and I’d make them engaged and they’d love me. I bet I could even do it with inner city kids. They’d be all angsty and stuff in the beginning, but I’d get through to them and be a teaching hero. I would make things applicable, like Shakespeare. The other teachers would be like, “We can’t get through to them! They hate classic literature!" And they’d keep trying to make them read it like:
"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love And I'll no longer be a Capulet.
[Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
[Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy: Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand nor foot, Nor arm nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man. O be some other name! What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other word would smell as sweet; So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, Retain that dear perfection which he owes Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, and for thy name, which is no part of thee, Take all myself.”
But I would be smarter than that. I’d make it applicable. I would be like:
“O Romeo, Romeo why the F*** are you Romeo? Tell your dad to screw off so you aren’t a F***ing Montague anymore. Or, if you’re too chicken shit to do that, marry me you lazy SOB and I’ll no longer be a Capulet.
[Aside] Shit, that bitch found out. Should I take my ass chewing now, or later?
It’s your F***ing family that is my enemy. You are so much more, not just a damned Montague. What the hell is a Montague anyway? It isn’t your hand or your foot, or face, or any other part of your totally hot body. God, I wish you had a different last name! What the hell is with a name anyway? A rose smells good no matter what the F*** you call it. So, you’d still be banging hot even if you weren’t a damn Montague. Ugh! Romeo, give up your damned last name, it isn’t really that important anyway, and in return I will give you the night of your life.”
The kids would get it, and they’d all nod and smile because someone got through to them; because someone finally CARED enough to bastardize Shakespeare for them. They’d love me and all of them would attain better things because of my presence in their lives.
Then I would die tragically in a gang war; because my shield isn’t made of cool bullet proof metal like Captain America’s and I can’t fight corruption with it, but I would still try.
Which is why I really shouldn’t watch TV. Ever.
