I have a dangerous addiction that I am not proud of. I felt the need to share it with you in the hopes that the interwebz will show me a vast outpouring of love and support, but knowing that I am most likely just going to get judged and mocked.
But I don’t care. Because if anyone else struggles with this, If anyone else has this problem, well, they need to know that they aren’t alone.
Hello. My name is Lauren, and I am addicted to cereal.
I’m sure all of you know cereal, and it can be used recreationally with little to no harm. In fact cereal addiction is such a misunderstood problem that many companies don’t even warn you of the hazard. There is no warning on the boxes that it can become a problem. That is why I am here today, to bring this issue to light.
Are you like me? Incapable at stopping at a serving? At a bowl? Until you finish the box?
Do you eat cereal for breakfast, and pretend to eat healthy meals the rest of the day only to go home to that cardboard carton of delight? Maybe you try to say it is dinner. Maybe you try to call it dessert. The words you use to justify it don’t matter. We have a problem, and it is time that someone started talking about it.
So, how do you cope with your cereal addiction? Do you avoid the brightly colored aisle at the store? Buy only Grape Nuts or plain Total? You’re in a supportive and loving environment. Please feel free to share. I am thinking we should have a meeting with some sort of drum circle, and refreshments.
But if anybody brings a box of Honey Nut Oh’s to our support group please be warned I will have to confiscate them for your own safety. Actually, Lucky Charms too. And Honey Nut Shredded Wheat! Actually, if it has honey in it you should probably just hand it over. That stuff is like boxed crack.
