File this one under religion and spirituality, and stop reading now if you aren’t into exploring that kind of thing.
Okay. I warned you. I have been going to some religious lectures with my grandpa, and I have had a few things stick out to me.
A synonym for incurable, is resistant to change, which sounds more like a thought pattern than a physical ailment. Which makes a lot of sense with the concept of our thinking determining our experience; and is backed up by medical facts of the life expectancies of people who face the same challenges with different outlooks. That we should pray from the standpoint of our innocence as God’s loved children and not from our guilt (Romans 8:1,2 “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.”). The word SOZO is in the Greek Bible has two translations, one which is commonly used is to save, and the other is to heal. Salvation comes with healing. Greek is an awesome language. Also, that God is speaking to us now even as he was in Biblical times. He is all good and that we need to “tune” ourselves into the messages that God is sending us, because they are happening every day. All of this got me to thinking about what separates us from God. What causes us to tune out?
In Genesis God creates all aspects of our world and he sees that they are all good. Not mostly good. Not good except for that little bit over there. No. Just GOOD. That stands to reason since one of the descriptors of God is that he is good, it is right up there with omnipotent and omnipresent. God is everywhere, all knowing, all loving, and all GOOD.
So where do we get this idea of a power to rival God’s power, a Satan or a devil, perhaps a sin? If everything that God created was good, and God is literally everywhere, where did that damn slimy evil snake that separated us come from? Did God create something as an antithesis to himself? Was he sitting in Heaven somewhere and decided that for the human story to be a really good one he needed to have a FOIL a bad guy that stood for everything he did not? Well, sort of. He did give us free will. The choice to either listen and grow spiritually or try to ignore our higher selves and be beaten upside the head with life lessons.
You know what I’m talking about. That slimy snake that still talks to us all. The one that tells us we will only be happy if we have what someone else has. The one that says that the next big thing will make me successful. After the next promotion I will be secure. After the next ten pounds come off I will be pretty. After I get knowledge I will be happy. Yeah, I know that cool calculating self justification all too well. Hello ego, it is nice to hear from you again. Jerk.
Think on this for a moment please. What separates us from God, or Godly thoughts, or spiritual growth, or plain ol’ being a good person? The devil? Satan? Mortal mind? The snake? Are you sure that those names aren’t all talking about the ego? The part of you that is all selfish desires and self justification? The part that says, ”Those people are lesser than me in some way, so I can look down on them.” The part that screams, “No. I deserve this! I love *him/her/it*. I will just die without them. I can do anything in pursuit of this goal and it doesn’t matter who or what stands in my way because once I get it I will be happy! And happiness and love are good things. So this can’t be wrong.” Even as the logical side of you and probably half of your friends facepalm?
The ego is the part of us that can justify just about whatever material desire we want. It isn’t some outside evil force that causes us to be cruel. It is an inside one that we have to stand firm against every day because it is insidious as all get out.
For example, and I am not proud of these: I went to see my best friend last weekend. I love this woman, and I am so happy for her and her new husband that I could dance. They just bought a beautiful home together in a lovely neighborhood. It is their dream home, and in a few years it will ring with children’s laughter and they steady clack of a dog’s nails on the hardwood floors. They have worked their butts off for this house, and this life together. I have been there through their entire courtship. I know many of the ups and downs of it all. Yet as I toured this home I was filled with jealousy. I found myself having thoughts like, “Crap. I’m going to have to step up my game to compete with this.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa Lauren Jo. WTF? Compete? Really? I was wracked with guilt over it, but that didn’t stop me from fixating on how to have as nice of a home, just to keep up. She is my best friend and I felt horrible for being jealous of what she has. I felt like a horrible person, a horrible friend. The really disgusting part is that I don’t even want a big house! My dream is a cozy farmhouse somewhere surrounded by animals and trees, not a big house in the ‘burbs.
So why did I even feel jealous? I was falling into an egotistical trap with no end. I wasn’t wanting what she had out of any higher calling, it was purely my ego baiting me. I can liken it to two children playing and one of them squalling over the other having a better toy when ten minutes ago the child was completely happy with the toy they had. I just had the grown up version of that, and God do I feel like a heel. Even though I have spent a considerable amount of time thinking on it and realizing that it was just my ego talking I’m still not quite done smacking my head into the figurative wall. I am so sorry for being jealous of your closets, J. I will not build a house with bigger closets just to satisfy my ego. I swear.
Have you ever had anything like that? I suppose I need to fess to some of my other frequent ego traps too. I am really good at justifying why I’m mean to boys. And my mom. I can justify like a f-ing boss. I have been jealous of a friend that has a great body, never mind the fact that she exercises six days a week and monitors her diet closely. I want that, but I don’t want to work for it. So I find myself getting high and mighty about what she is missing out on –which is almost as bad as when I get all ego happy about not being ego happy.
Because that snake is a slithery little sucker and even when I’m on a spiritual, find my path, happy with life kick he comes in and is like. “You are such a good person. Look at you forsaking material things and donating to food pantries. You’re like Mother Teresa with your random act of kindness a day pledge. They should give you a God-damned medal. You are so much better than other people. So. Much. Better.” See what happened there? I’m on a constant crusade against this critter, yet I still get turned around.
God, why are we wired this way? Seriously? A sign? A textbook? Anything? I hypothesize that our ego is what divides us from the divine. Call it Satan, or a snake, or mortal mind; the semantics don’t matter. The only way to achieve joy here is to tune out the static selfish thoughts and tune into the good, the God-like ones (principled, loving, blessing for all, honorable, etc.). Our ego, our sense of self, is what dies when we leave our bodies and the lack of that is what allows us to commune with the Oneness.
Maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong, but the rumination has been AMAZING.
PS: If I suddenly get a textbook I will definitely let you know.
