Props are great, not just in movies or plays, but in almost everything! I am all for using props in presentations too. Flow charts make complicated concepts easier to understand. Pictures make concepts more memorable. Intelligently used props that pull in audience interest are great! Are you giving a presentation about how great it is to print from a file that is on your phone? By all means actually do it!
But there is one time when props do not make things better…
Yeah, that’s right, break-ups do not need visual aids. I know you might think your ex is an utter psychopathic moron with hamburger helper for brains, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say he/she can probably understand the meaning of “it’s over” without some grandiose display of your mad Powerpoint skills, graph making abilities, or even, paper clips.
Yes, that’s right, paper clips. My overwhelming hatred of PPT aside, I would like to dwell here a moment on my intense dislike of paper clips. This dislike sprung about from an ex of mine who ever so lovingly had me hold out my hands and placed a paperclip in my left palm for everything he hated about me, and one in my right for my good qualities. He then asked me to do the math like a retarded kindergartener that had to count red balls versus yellow balls and see which one was more. While the visual aid did help me to understand that I was a total piece of crap that no one could ever love, and that I could only hold 67 paperclips in my hand before they started to fall, I don’t think it was warranted. I’m pretty sure I would have grasped that things were over from hearing “it’s over,” and perhaps then I could have moved on without developing a very strange paper clip paranoia.
Anyway, I was discussing this event last night with a friend whose reaction surprised me. Before I had thought the tale at best, amusing. It has been long enough ago that my ego has rebounded and despite my preference for staples, I lead a fairly normal life. She, however, could not believe that my ex had done such a thing. It seemed crazy to her to ever use a prop like paper clips, or perhaps marbles, during a break-up. It started me thinking, what other poor prop choices could be made? This lead me to try and compile a list of things where visual aids should not be used:
1. Break-ups
2. Seminars for the blind
3. Powerpoints on how bad Powerpoints are
4. Lessons on how to breathe
5. Anything at all that you might try to teach to a goldfish
6. Powerpoints on just about any subject
7. Explanations to one’s grandparents about what “fuck saws” are
8. Explanations to anyone, ever, about what you did while black out drunk at a bar
9. Red posters for color blind conventions
10. ________________________________________________
Number ten is for you. What do you think is the worst possible use of a visual aid? Comment below. I’m intrigued.
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