Vowels Sue for Equal Rights in Written Language

For years the spelling of words has been governed by dictionaries across
the land. Not since the olden times when no one had a clue as to how
things should be spelled other than by sound has the spelling of words
been so fluid. You all know what I am referring to, the startling trend
of creating new words containing nothing but singular letters. This
trend has left many vowels saying, WTF? I decided to investigate.

In order to understand this suit I decided to catch up with a consonant
sympathizer, H.

I: So, H, can you tell me a little bit about how the concept for this
suit got started?

H: Yeah, sure thing. This whole thing was started by O. She was sick and
tired of being left out of words like: you, before, and sorry. I can see
it. I mean, she was crucial in those words before, you know? So, anyway,
she and Y were commiserating over a couple of cold ones one night. E and
A happened to be in the same bar, and you know how it is when the drinks
start flowing. Well, O got a little loose and started bawling to anyone
who would listen. She was all like, " How sorry are people when they
can't even take the time to write out the damned word? I mean, how
disrespectful can you be?" and, "I might as well not even be in the
alphabet anymore!" E and A started nodding over in the corner, and by
the end of the night E and A got on board.

I: Well, that sounds like one heck of a night H. I am to understand that
you and a few other consonant supporters are going to be making the trip
to the capitol with the vowels in order to see this suit through?

H: Yeah. It started out with just the vowels but now a lot of us
consonants are on the bandwagon. T was all like, screw the numerals I
have a place in the word to too dammit. G isn't too happy with being
synonymous with the big guy upstairs either. He has always been a
stickler for capitalization when talking about nouns, and let's face it
when people start writing without vowels they sure as heck don't use
things like capitalization.

I: That's true. So, it sounds as if many of the letters of the alphabet
are outraged?

H: Oh no. That isn't to mean that all the vowels and consonants are
happy about this suit. Honestly, U was pissy about the whole thing.
Things have worked better for her. She never knew why Y and O were in
you anyway.

I: I see. I see. Is anyone else going to be making this trip?

H: Well, a couple punctuation marks were thinking about going, but
honestly, no one has seen Semi Colon or Apostrophe in so long that the
other marks are busy doing a missing person report and scanning the
boards to see if they have somehow disappeared. It is still up in the
air right now. I think they will make the trip if they find any trace of
them. It is a very dark time to be written communication I, a very dark
time.

Thanks to that interview with H I believe we can all see the point of
those brave vowels, consonants, and oft overlooked punctuation marks as
they march on legislature tomorrow to try and get equal representation
in text messages, Facebook posts, and even emails once more. Even though
I have not been effected nearly as much as my fellow vowels I too will
be there tomorrow, praying for a brighter future. This is I, and I am
just one more written symbol of communication looking for equal rights.