I’ll never forget how I would come home torn apart from a break-up in grade school, (high school, undergrad, or now) and my mother in all her callousness would tell me that “Men are like buses, Lauren. If you stand in one place long enough another one is going to come by.” God, I hate(d) her for that sometimes. I would go and cry to my girlfriends. They would appease me. We would rail about the dumbass guy and bitch about my mom. Would it really have been too much to get sympathy?
Well, yes, actually. The man/bus comparison has helped me a heckuva lot more than any sympathy would have ever done. It helped more than the tear laden bitch fests and the brownie batter. Actually not only has it helped me, it has helped countless friends too, so mom if you ever read this: thank you. We all appreciate your wisdom.
So what exactly is this analogy and how does it work for you? On to the fun part: so, you’re recently dumped or have had your heart broken in a variety of creative ways (believe me I know how random and easy it is to have happen, if you're curious go back a few and see the post on the paperclips). You are of course, miserable, vindictive and, uhm heartbroken - for lack of a better phrase. Whatever do you do? I have found that in general there are three basic ways to handle the situation. Most people use a combination of the three techniques.
1. Mope & cry – a lot of fun for a few days but sooner or later that constant pain behind your eyes is going to get old and there is only so much chocolate ice cream available.
2. Drink yourself silly – also a lot of fun if you can remember your actions and not wake up regretting those actions. Oh and be careful, it frequently leads back to #1.
3. Move on – probably the best. Well, no probably about it really. It is the best. But we all know it can be hard to let go of a bad relationship, and traumatic to leave a decent one so this is the hardest reaction to have.
On that whole moving on bit, many of my guy friends would prescribe beer and hook-ups to get you over the slump and to that stage. I suppose there is some truth there. My female friends swear by the chocolate ice cream tub and tear-laced bitch fests. Well, those work too, to a point. But crying and drinking and all those coping mechanisms aren’t really the ticket to success.
It is important to note that I'm not saying you shouldn't cry, grieve, mourn over your beer, or indulge whatever your coping mechanism of choice. This isn’t about how you shouldn’t grieve for the death of your relationship or drown your pain in an endorphin rush – this is about realizing that just because you had a relationship failure it IS NOT the end of the world.
“But Lauren,” you might say, “I LOVE X.” Okay, I get that. You love your ex. How can you move on with X still around and so utterly alive? You should realize that you aren’t supposed to grieve your ex, you’re supposed to grieve the relationship. For all intents and purposes the relationship is dead. And there comes a point where all the tears and pain aren’t worth it. Your ex is your ex. Trying to be nostalgic for the relationship doesn’t do shit to them; it just hurts you. Let it go. That’s the secret of the “Men are like buses” philosophy.
The sun will still rise tomorrow. Your friends and family will still be there, and guess what, if you stand on that corner long enough another freaking bus is going to pull up. There are millions of people looking for mates, sooner or later another one is going to walk on by.
So grieve and for God's sake let it go. Move on, check out the map. Who knows, maybe the next one will have an even better route to take you on.
No comments:
Post a Comment